Lately I have been struggling… I know, Shocker! Right? LOL This time I’m struggling with a different kind of problem. I am struggling with finding the right words. I feel like Moses when God tells him to go to Egypt. Moses tells God he’s not a good speaker. I feel like that. I write something, I speak to someone, I text something…. then I look back and think, “That is NOT what I meant. That came out all wrong!” I have tried to write several blog entries in the last few weeks only to delete them. Same thing happens when I try to post something on FB. I look back on posts and think, “What did I post that for?” Even if my intentions are good, it seems the words come out all wrong.
Several Bible verses have stuck out to me in the last few weeks and months regarding my words. James 1:19 says, “Quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to become angry…” I have already written an entire blog about this one but it’s just one that keeps coming to mind. Another one is 1 Peter 3:4, “You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God.” The “gentle & quiet spirit” struck me because those things I am not! I strive to be but my flesh wants to take over and put my two cents in. Proverbs 17:28 says, “Even fools are thought wise when they keep silent; with their mouths shut, they seem intelligent.” This one is funny to me but it’s also so true. It’s better to just be quiet then to spew every thought you have without a filter.
I had somewhat of a revelation this morning. I’m learning that the more I vent about my feelings, the less I trust in God. I’m not saying we should all hold everything in and not talk about it. But I notice with myself that I’m looking for answers in people. I’m looking for someone to give me a response that will make the light bulb go on. I’m searching for answers in all the wrong places. When I post my problems on FB or vent to my friends, I’m less likely to pray about them. I’m less likely to lay them down at the Cross for Jesus to bear.
I recently felt hurt and betrayed by several people in the same day at the same event. It left me feeling worthless and it brought my self-esteem plummeting. I started to blog about it in my anger, then I got to the bottom and deleted it. I’m so grateful I did. The other revelation I had about this topic was that the more I speak, the more I become self-righteous. There is a verse in Proverbs that says, “Too much talk leads to sin. Be sensible and keep your mouth shut.” I never realized what this meant until now. The more I talk, the more I get on my soapbox and the less I live what I believe.
At the beginning of the year, I went on a search for a new life verse. James 1:19 came to mind and that was one that I began to memorize. Now I realize how much deeper my faith will go if I just be quiet. Be quiet so I can listen (to others’ hearts; to the Holy Spirit within me). Be quiet so I don’t say things I’ll later regret (like I do ALL the time!). Be quiet so I can pray instead of vent. Be quiet so I don’t sin.
Until next time, Friends….
waitinsilence 